So, this is what it's come to...

Yes, I'm depressed and frustrated. Out of the four blood tests ran on me Saturday morning, I passed two and failed two. Of the two failing ones, I was right on the edge on one and 4 points over on the other. I am going to write this post as honestly as I can, so if you're in a good mood, you may not want to be brought down by this posting! I do want to remember all of my feelings throughout this pregnancy, so here goes.

My gestational diabetes class was very educational, but also very overwhelming. There is a lot of carbohydrate counting involved in the meal planning. I was given a meal plan lined out by how many "carb choices" I am allowed (including milk, fruit, and starches), as well as how many servings of fat and ounces of meat. It doesn't matter what the calories or sugars say on the label, just total carbs. Nothing goes into my mouth without being written down for accountability and reviewed by the dietitian. I am limited to 1900 calories per day, consumed via three meals and three snacks. That's it. Nothing else.

Now, first thing of a morning I have to measure my blood sugars with my new One Touch monitor. This gives me the "fasting" reading. Then, I have my breakfast and measure by blood sugars again two hours later. Breakfast consisted of 8oz of low fat yogurt, NOT the big bowl of cereal I usually eat. After I poke myself with a lancet needle and squeeze out the blood, I have to touch the droplet with a test strip and let the machine do the reading, then record it in a log book. Of course, if I don't use the machine correctly or not enough blood comes out, I get to repeat the process and inject myself again. So far, this has occurred 2 out of 3 times. Lovely. Once that process has been accomplished, I get to eat my a.m. snack, which today consisted of one cup of fat free milk and one TBSP of reduced calorie peanut butter. I will say that I made that peanut butter last 15 minutes!!! I get a decent lunch and a good-sized dinner, taking my blood sugar measurement two hours after both of those meals. Then, a bedtime snack consisting of only one carb. A carb choice is anything that has less that 19 carbohydrates per serving on the label. So, prepared meals are not really on my agenda, at least for this first week. I wouldn't have a clue how to record all this data if there wasn't a label, and this is stressful enough as it is. This does indeed make me sad because there are many good friends and church people that are wanting to bring us meals during this time, but I just don't see a way of logging the data. I also do not want to cheat because that backfires on me and my baby. As I've said before, I cannot fathom giving birth to a large baby.

Now, I'm not saying that this isn't "do-able," and I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. I also realize that this too shall pass and I may not have to do this for very long. However, when you've been on bed rest for 28 days; your emotions are all over the place hormonally; you're bored, vertically challenged,and borderline depressed; you're trying to remember if it is time to take your meds to prevent contractions; you're trying to schedule who is watching your son, on what days, and who is dropping off and picking him up; keeping hydrated (dehydration causes contractions and higher blood sugars); and you tack on this regimented meal planning and documentation...on top of the adjustment of being hungry because you were obviously eating too much before now; AND you have to poke yourself with a needle four times per day.....it tends to make one a tad irritable and cranky. I spent a good 30 minutes just bawling this morning. That actually helped.

I have always been the type that gets irritable when I am hungry. I need to plan out different options for meals that have the correct amounts of what is allowed in each category, so it is not so stressful when it is time to eat. Guess I have plenty of time to do that....

My motto: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Repeat. Repeat.